3 Passive-Aggressive Phrases You Shouldnt Say - The Muse

3 Passive-Aggressive Phrases You Shouldnt Say - The Muse3 Passive-Aggressive Phrases You Shouldnt SayYoure a nice person- and you never want anyone to think otherwise, especially not yur co-workers, the lovely people you sit next to five days a week. So, in an effort to always be kind, you water down feedback by saying things like, Maybe its just me, but And while those kinds of comment qualifiers are usually coming from a good place, chances are the person receiving it wont take it that way. Theyll think youre just being passive-aggressive and not-so-subtly hiding what youre really trying to say.To prevent you from ever being that person, here are three phrases you should avoid in meetings based on my very own (and very common) experiences- plus, bonus, I tell you how to say what youre thinking in a more straightforward, but polite way.1. I Was Surprised/Confused/Curious AboutWhat the Person Hears Youre Wrong.I worked with a woman who often tried disguise her criticism in this way. Rather than just being upfront that she didnt quite follow my line of thinking, shed attempt to come across as truly surprised by what Id said. While she mightve done this in an attempt to soften the blow, I never heard it like that. Instead, I took it as a stab in the back because my boss welches in attendance- and that feeling led me to promptly ignore her feedback. Which was unfortunate, because Im pretty sure she often had a point. What to Say InsteadI thought X was different, because Y. Can you walk me through your steps?2. Oh, I Thought You UnderstoodWhat the Person Hears You Did it Wrong Because Youre Stupid.Ive run into this a few times when working with larger, cross-functional teams. Inevitably, there would be a few different translations of a projects goals. And if everyone wasnt communicating well, wires would get crossed and the project would get off track. When the time came to present our results- which were inevitably wrong- someone would exclaim, Oh no, I thought yo u understood the objective Obviously no ones happy in this situation, so saying this just adds fuel to the fire and prevents people from gaining any insight from the work that was done- even if it wasnt quite right.What to Say InsteadYou took this in a different direction than I initially intended, but lets talk about what you found, see if it can make this work, and if not, what the next steps will be.3. Actually.What the Person Hears I Think Youre an Idiot.While technically this word shouldnt be offensive, Ive found that just about anytime someone uses it, theyre just hedging their comments. A colleague once told me she was actually impressed, with an article Id recently written. Even if that was really the case, I didnt take it as a compliment, but rather as an insult. (Translation I didnt think you could do that, so I was surprised when I was impressed with your article.) Such a small word, such a big impactWhat to Say InsteadIn this case, you can actually just remove the actual ly from whatever youre about to say.Being- or appearing- passive aggressive can really sneak up on you. When we try to minimize criticism, things can easily go awry. Rather than couching your constructive criticism in confusing language, just come out and say it- politely. Your colleagues will appreciate your candor, and youll avoid being labeled as the worst person to meet with in the office.